Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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