discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
