I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just had sex bonerless
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
