Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I couldnāt resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
According to the office gossip the new secretary is āa homewrecking whoreā. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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