I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
