I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
