Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
