I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
