I feel great
I just peed on a car
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
