My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
