we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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