then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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