It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
