My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
