Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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