Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
