matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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