sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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