some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
