umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
