Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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