i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
