For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
