We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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