as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
