i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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