At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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