I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
