his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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