You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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