i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
