Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.