hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.