She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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