I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
