Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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