I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
