Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
