A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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