Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
