dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
