The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
