we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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