They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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