i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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