textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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