haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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