he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
