I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have post one night stand depression
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
