Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
