went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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