is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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