is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
