Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
