If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
