i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
