Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
