woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
