Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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